“loving a person
is not a small feat.”
[may waltz | brooke fraser]
When I look into your eyes
It’s like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There’s so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
And when you’re needing your space
To do some navigating
I’ll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up
I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you’re still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not
And who I am
I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
Still looking up.
I won’t give up on us (no I’m not giving up)
God knows I’m tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We’ve got a lot to learn (we’re alive, we are loved)
God knows we’re worth it (and we’re worth it)
I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
[I Won’t Give Up | Jason Mraz]
That’s the crazy thing about it. Breaking up with someone is literally the most common thing. Like everyone you know broke up with everyone they ever dated, until maybe the person they’re with right now, if they’re with someone right now. But when it happens to you, it feels so specific. I don’t want to say I can’t get over it in like a flippant way. Like, you kind of can’t get over it. You’re like, what? This is what’s happening? It’s so shocking.
If I had to say one thing about Lauren, it’s that she was full of feelings that completely contradicted each other, which, I guess, just comes with this territory. Like she emphatically did not want him to call. But also, maybe a little bit, wanted him to call. She missed him. And she didn’t want to stop thinking about him. But she also did all this elaborate math to calculate the day that she would finally be over him and not thinking about him and with somebody else.
—————————————————————————————
If I thought I’d been in a Phil Collins phase before, it was nothing compared to what came next. I was no longer listening to his songs for pleasure, but for pain. They were break-up songs. And hearing them was the only thing that made me feel better. And by better, I mean worse.
There’s something so satisfying about listening to sad songs. They’re like how you would actually be spending your day if you were allowed to just break down and sob and grab hold of everyone you met. They make you feel less alone with your crazy thoughts. They don’t judge you. In fact, they understand you.
A break-up song won’t ever suggest you start online dating or that you’re better off without him. They tell you that you’re worse without him, which is exactly what you want to hear because it’s how you feel. I didn’t want to be cheered up. I didn’t want to bounce back. I didn’t want to meet someone new. I wanted to wallow, big time, deeply, and with the least amount of perspective possible. And the only way to do that was by turning off my phone and turning up the sad, sad music. Like this song that I love by the band The Magnetic Fields.
[SINGING] I don’t want to get over you. I guess I could take a sleeping pill and sleep at will and not have to go through what I go through. I guess I should take Prozac, right? And just smile all night at somebody new, somebody not too bright, but sweet and kind, who’d try to get you off my mind. I could leave this agony behind, which is just what I’d do if I wanted to. But I don’t want to get over you.
It’s great because the lyrics perfectly articulate this feeling you didn’t even know you had. Then there’s the Bonnie Raitt song, “I Can’t Make You Love Me.”
[SINGING] I’ll close my eyes. Then I won’t see the love you don’t feel when you’re holding me.
The song was written by Mike Reid and Allen Shamblin after they read this little article in the newspaper about a guy who’d gotten drunk and shot up his girlfriend’s car. At his sentencing, he was asked if he learned any lessons from what he’d done. And he said, “Yes, you can’t make a woman love you if she don’t.”
[SINGING] ‘Cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.
Before the break-up, I had no idea how much break-up music was out there, for example, every song ever written, or at least every third. But once you’re heartbroken, you notice it everywhere. You find yourself in the supermarket listening to a song you’ve heard before, but never really heard, thinking to yourself it’s just so true.
[SINGING] In my life, there’s been heartache and pain. I don’t know if I can face it again. Can’t stop now. I’ve travelled so far to change this lonely life. I wanna know what love is.
It’s not just that you overlook the cheesiness, you embrace it. You do want to know what love is. There’s nothing restrained or subtle about being crushed by the person you care most about in the world. It’s big and gaudy. And so it only makes sense that songs about it are too.
LA VIE EN ROSE
Des yeux qui font baisser les miens,
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche—
Voilà le portrait sans retouche
De l’homme auquel j’appartiens.
Quand il me prend dans ses bras,
Il me parle tout bas,
Je vois la vie en rose.
Il me dit des mots d’amour,
Des mots de tous les jours,
Et ça me fait quelque chose.
Il est entré dans mon cœur,
Une part de bonheur
Dont je connais la cause.
C’est lui pour moi,
Moi pour lui dans la vie,
Il me l’a dit, l’a juré pour la vie.
Et dès que je l’aperçois,
Alors je sens en moi
Mon cœur qui bat.
Des nuits d’amour à plus finir,
Un grand bonheur qui prend sa place,
Les ennuis, les chagrins s’effacent,
Heureux, heureux à en mourir.
Quand il me prend dans ses bras,
Il me parle tout bas,
Je vois la vie en rose.
Il me dit des mots d’amour,
Des mots de tous les jours,
Et ça me fait quelque chose.
Il est entré dans mon cœur,
Une part de bonheur
Dont je connais la cause.
C’est lui pour moi,
Moi pour lui dans la vie,
Il me l’a dit, l’a juré pour la vie.
Et dès que je l’aperçois,
Alors je sens en moi
Mon cœur qui bat.
“Is—is he a man?” asked Lucy.
“Aslan a man!” Mr. Beaver said sternly. “Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don’t you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion—the Lion, the great Lion.”
“Ooh!” said Susan, “I’d thought he was a man. Is he—quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”
“That you will, dearie, and no mistake,” said Mrs. Beaver; “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else just silly.”
I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I’m worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts
One and Only [Adele]
This night is sparkling, don’t you let it go
I’m wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I’ll spend forever wondering if you know
This night is flawless, don’t you let it go
I’m wonderstruck, dancing when all alone
I’ll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you
-Enchanted [Taylor Swift]